The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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