Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
