HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
