she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
