I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
