I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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