Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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