I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
