I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
