They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
