Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
