could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
