you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
