if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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