Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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