I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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