my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
