I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
