seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
