My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
