why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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