what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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