It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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