You're so nebulous sometimes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
