I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so let's talk penis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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