so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
