That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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