I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You need Xanax blowdarts
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
