Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
