she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
