matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
