i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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