she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you still have your period?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
