After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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