I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
