Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
