Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
