When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
