Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
