Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
