im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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