I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
