So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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