so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
