I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
