ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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