i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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