i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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