We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
