i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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