Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
