Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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