At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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